The issue with meeting toxic people is that you don’t always realize they are. They initially appear to be nice and friendly, sometimes they look attractive to you.
But as time goes by, that friend/lover snapped and in a moment of minutes turned into a scary person. That person isn’t the same loving and caring person you knew. You don’t even remember what that person was angry about, but it did seem like something that would have made anyone exploded.
Fast forward to a couple of years later, you find yourself entrapped. Ensnared by the requests that person make, the loving words they’d occasionally use to make
How did it turn out like this? When did it all start?
1. You couldn’t say ‘no’
The first thing that makes it easy for toxic people to keep you under control is because you don’t know how to say no. And when you do, it’s a weak, halfhearted statement that was easily wavered with a few sweet words. Or sometimes, you are too scared to hurt the other person from saying no.
Saying no can be hard. Take your parents for example. How hard was it for them to say no to you when you begged for that toy or snack when you were 4?
In some cases, toxic people (and childish behaviors like this!) can be easily fixed by firmly saying no and backing it up with legit reasons. Why are you unable to spend the weekend with them? “I need to spend time with my family, I have promised them earlier this week.”, “I have homework to do, have you done yours?”, “I need to spend time with xxx, or maybe do you want to join us?”
These are just some examples that you can use to explain why you can’t come. You don’t even have to lie about them!
2. You tend to be alone
Lonely and gloomy people are easy prey for toxic individuals. Without anyone to tell you how someone is influencing you to do bad things, toxic people can push you around without worrying about a thing. It’s true that in this individualistic world, it can be challenging to find a friend.
Toxic people see those who are lonely as those who are in need of a place to belong. Maybe it’s you! And we all want to belong somewhere. However, it’s important to not let people monopolize you by offering a ‘place to belong’.
But what toxic people like to aim is you being fragile, not having anyone to consult to or confide in. But, guess what, toxic people can’t approach if you have even just one person who is older and wiser. For example, your parents, teachers, anyone who has the quality of a good adult.
3. Willingness to sacrifice
Toxic people don’t always plan to use you initially. In fact, they don’t even realize if they have the intentions, but as time goes by, their real attitudes will show. Being someone who is willing to sacrifice his time, effort and resources for others is noble. You are the kind of human we all need.
But that is also the quality many people will use you for. Because they know you can go to the length of spending time and money for them, it’s hard to not agree to that.
Some people think being mean is for your best, but that isn’t the truth, we all know that. What you need to do is to think before you make the sacrifice. How can this help the other person? Does he have no other better choice? Is there anything else instead that I can do? What is the purpose of having me do this?
4. You look gloomy
People who seem sad and need help are the type of people that are easy to manipulate. And when people are sad, it’s easy to believe to happy, convincing and kind words of others. But, no, you don’t go suspicious to anyone who talk to you whenever you are down or sad.
Some people are kind and that’s how we are all taught since we were kids. But we also need to look beyond the nice appearance they are clothed in.