Posted on 2016, Mike and Kristin Berry had been married for 16 years and had 8 adoptive children to care for. Many people were probably wondering how did the pair manage a happy family and still be able to take in foster kids.
Mike reveals what he thinks is the most important to ensure a great future for them all: to put him and his wife first. He began his blog.
It’s usually 8:30 when I give the first warning shot to my two teenaged daughters. At 9pm, I say, “Fifteen minutes till it’s time for you two to head upstairs.” I repeat this nearly every night. And nearly every night they argue. “But why do we have to go to bed at 9;15,” they lament. “We’re not children anymore.”
“You don’t have to go to bed, but you can’t stay down here in the living room past 9:15. That’s our time. We haven’t seen each other all day, and most of the day we’ve been focused on you and work. We need our time too.” They roll their eyes and huff at us.
We love our children and we consider our role in their life to be a huge investment. We committed a long time ago to be there for them, and to always be hands on and involved in their life. But, there’s still us. There’s still our relationship. There’s still the health of our marriage to consider and pay attention to.
Mike Berry started by revealing that they always have this habit of putting aside time for him and his wife. Notably, he made sure to prioritize that over only sparing the time when he could. And he shows four reasons why this is the essence to the happiness of their marriage life.
1. A healthy marriage is the cornerstone of the home.
The cornerstone of your family is not your children. They are a part of the foundation and make up a major part of the structure, but they’re not the main thing that holds this whole beautiful mess together. That’s you. You and your wife, you and your husband, you and your partner. It’s your responsibility to lead your family, and your home. Your children are looking to the two of you for direction and example (more on this in a minute).
2. Before them, it was us.
Before they existed it was the two of us. We fell in love, skipped class to be together, stayed up too late talking on the phone (that was tied to the wall by a cord), and eventually committed to forever with one another. We were the beginning. We kicked this whole party off.
Then these beautiful children came along. And we’re sure thankful they did because they fill our life with so much joy. But, our union is sacred. Our union is holy. With all of our power, we must protect that sacredness.
3. After them, it will be us.
Nothing lasts forever. Our little darlings are going to grow up and move out of our nest at some point. I don’t know about you but there’s no room for a 30-year old kid in my basement. After they’re out in the world, living on their own, raising their own family, being the beautiful human beings they were meant to be, it will be just the two of us once again.
And we want us to be healthy, strong, and still as committed as we were when we first began this journey. In order to make sure the future us is protected, we must put the us of today first. This is not easy. We’ll get to that in a second…
4. We need to set a future example.
As I mentioned in #1, your children and mine are looking to use for life-cues, direction, and example. As children, they’re watching our every move to determine how they should live their lives. We often say, “We are raising adults, not children.” I don’t know about you, but I want my children to grow up with a healthy view of relationships- dating, engaged, or married.
I want the health of my marriage to give them a healthy view of what marriage is, and what it should be. That’s why, I put my wife first, and them second. Close second, but still second.
Beautiful post. Mike Berry prioritizes his wife to make sure that his children are able to see the happiness they have and learn to be happy like them. A family can only be as happy as the parents are and sifting every night after 9 pm sets a good sleep schedule for the kids as well as keeps their relationship healthy.
Mike added, “We are on with our children all the time. That’s why we guard at 9 pm each night. That’s why we intentionally schedule date night a couple of times a month. It must be a value. And it must be consistent. We must come first.”
What do you think?